Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
