Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
