I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
