I must be too annoying 4 u.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
