I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
