Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
