Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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