everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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