Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
