brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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