I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
