I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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