I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize