just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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