We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
