i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize