She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
