please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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