oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
