A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
