i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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