You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
