If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize