Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
