I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i will never coherently bang her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
