There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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