I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
