i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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