Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
