the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
