I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
