Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize