Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize