he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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