I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
