:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
