he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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