just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
