I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
