everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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