got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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