My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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