You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
