You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
