This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish i was in the wii world.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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