just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
