We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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