apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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