I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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