just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
