When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
