i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He shit in the fireplace
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
