why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
