im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
