Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
