Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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