We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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