He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
