i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He kissed a someone with a penis
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
