I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
