in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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