Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
