First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
