it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
