I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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