it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize