i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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