you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
