It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize