So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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