She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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