You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
