You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize