I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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