Where are you?
In a non slutty way
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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