A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
