I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
