it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
