so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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