yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
