nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so explain again why im purple
no
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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