i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
