He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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